Our forefathers told us of the dangerous sins of old. They draw us into a trap, blind us. There is no respite, no escape, they said.
sins? escape? Why, though?
vanity. It makes you proud of yourself. How can you spend your whole life with someone if you are not madly in love with him?
envy. It makes you desire what you do not have. It makes you work to improve yourself to the point which you consider the best in the world.
sloth. It buys you time. It lets you dream. It forces you to think. It lets you sort out and understand the webs around you.
lust. Appreciation of physical beauty in its raw form is one of the most natural of all human tendencies. It electrifies our senses, makes them come alive.
greed. It makes you want more than you have. It dissolves boundaries, helps the world grow and stops it from stagnating.
wrath. There is helplessness, fury, desire for vengeance within us, hidden, waiting to burst. It provides a path for the poison to flow out.
gluttony. It gives instant gratification, at the very peak of longing. It is among the richest of indulgences, for those who have none at all.
Now, love, that is a sin. It snatches what is closest to us, it gives us that which we desire not. It makes us wealthy, with dreams and elation. It pains, it tantalizes, it stings. It is sweet. It is wicked. It is a two faced villain.
Amen.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My stunningly beautiful room
My room looks beautiful at 6.30 pm. As the sun sets, crimson.
Sun rays cast a golden glow. Through the green forests. A burst of color. Shadows play with photographs.
There's a cave full of treasures.
Gems, pearls, emeralds, diamonds, sapphires.
Ribbons of color, candles and birthdays, my world tied up with silver string.
Wonder in the eye of a child. A breathtaking meadow, a warm farmhouse.
My room looks so damn fabulou
s in the 
evening!
love's a dream
Is it fair to let a child come into this world, only to see the people closest to him, the ones he loves fight incessantly, threaten to kill and try to harm each other? Is it true that a child will bring joy to mitigate the sorrows of two lives that never were meant to be, bring warmth and wonder with his smiles and innocence? Will not the baby have a tortured childhood, a curse he did not ask for? Or will he take the anger, the hate, the pain away? Maybe, he will, and share it, and lessen it. He could be the only, only thing that could hold a shattered dream together for just a few years longer..
:)
Love's a dream, we are all dreaming
:)
Love's a dream, we are all dreaming
Monday, March 9, 2009
Alone.
I love being alone. Sitting on the beach. Standing in a train. Walking among the trees. Lying on my bed. Staring at nothingness. Lost in my thoughts.
In the dusklight. At night. Under the dark heavens. Counting fabulous diamonds. My fingers touching frozen air. Wind slashing across my face. Cold, and dewdrops falling.
Riding a wild horse. Concocting a potion. Living on a mountain. Fires sizzling, reveries raging. Intoxicated by the eyes, beguiled by the words, mesmerized by the touch. Gripping feverish passions. Crafting naked art. Feeling a schizophrenic, alcoholic mind.
Talking to fairies, angels, elves, pixies, in strange tongues. Making me feel alive. In magic and madness. Drinking in beauty. Holding warmth. Making love, with the skies.
Me. My mind. None else. Life and yet not these. Wild, frenzied, crazed, nomadic. A feral beast in a forest. Peace and quiet, content. A golden glow.
I need to be alone.
In the dusklight. At night. Under the dark heavens. Counting fabulous diamonds. My fingers touching frozen air. Wind slashing across my face. Cold, and dewdrops falling.
Riding a wild horse. Concocting a potion. Living on a mountain. Fires sizzling, reveries raging. Intoxicated by the eyes, beguiled by the words, mesmerized by the touch. Gripping feverish passions. Crafting naked art. Feeling a schizophrenic, alcoholic mind.
Talking to fairies, angels, elves, pixies, in strange tongues. Making me feel alive. In magic and madness. Drinking in beauty. Holding warmth. Making love, with the skies.
Me. My mind. None else. Life and yet not these. Wild, frenzied, crazed, nomadic. A feral beast in a forest. Peace and quiet, content. A golden glow.
I need to be alone.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Me, my life
This is a collection of certain aspects of my life, some philosophies I diligently follow and other things I have learned from experience.
1.) I don't need alcohol, cigar, dope to get high. Sometimes I get high without any seeming external stimulation. At such times, I am kind of hyperactive, unlike my usual self.
2.) At certain other times, I feel very low, depressed, frustrated like I am the most worthless creature on this planet with nothing to live for. I then try to busy myself with something I love.
3.) I feel low when something bad happens with me or with the few people in this world I really care about. Seeing them depressed gets to me and makes me feel depressed too. And I don't feel better until I have spoken to them, listened to them and tried to cheer them up.
4.) I believe I have a lot of inner strength, peace and serenity which lets me think carefully through any situation. I feel this strength comes from a will and a wish to do my best, or see myself through and be happy in and after every situation.
5.) Faced with any new situation, I always and I mean always, think of what I can gain or lose from it, whether I like it and would want to work for it, and how it will benefit me as a person and in the long run. After evaluating all of these, I decide whether to get involved in it or not.
6.) If I am even slightly confused about whether I want to do something or not, I generally go ahead with it. That way, I would not have any regrets about passing up an opportunity later. For me, the regret of not having done something weighs heavier than doing something and finding that I don't like it later.
7.) I do not listen to anyone except my parents and brother. Several experiences have taught me that following others' advice only brings me harm and causes regret later. So I just do what I want to irrespective of how crazy or weird it sounds or how stupid others tell me it is. And it has never had any adverse consequences till now.
8.) I always do things or take decisions based on what I want to do. That way, I would not have anyone to blame but myself if anything were to go wrong. Blaming others makes me want to kill myself for my stupidity.
9.) The only thing I have ever been terrified of is water, though I fear it less now. I used to fear the unknown and losing my own to death, disease. But i have learnt that there is no point in fearing something you can never know beforehand. And now, I do not think about it at all.
10.) I believe that a small joy or a little happiness can easily overcome and belittle a thousand sorrows. The power of happiness is greater than the power of sadness.
11.) I live my life my own way, no matter how blasphemous people may say it is. And I don't give a damn what others do. I am okay with people doing anything they want to around me.
12.) I like to be happy and content at all times. I have one life where I get to decide what happens to it and I want a very positive thing out of it every single moment.
13.) I hate waking up from sleep. Somehow I always feel extremely lonely and strangely emotional after waking up, and I hate feeling that way.
14.) I am alone in this world and I want to be very individualistic, always. I cannot and will never be dependent on anyone for anything. I do not wish to be crippled. I believe I can fulfill every inner requirement by myself. The external ones require the presence of people, who are usually around for this purpose, and in any case external needs are not all that important.
15.) I used to hate philosophy and talking about deep things but I am gradually growing to like it.
16.) I believe ANYthing is possible, even what is seemingly impossible. Just wish it and truly want it and it can happen.
17.) I believe that human beings are inherently good. If there is something undesirable in a person, then it is a temporary thing induced by the environment or just a phase that will pass.
18.) I do not believe in not talking to people if they have certain undesirable characteristics. At this rate you would end up not talking to everyone on this planet. It is better to maintain friendly relations with all, except the sexually shameless.
19.) I am always observing, absorbing, thinking, analyzing. I am as mentally active as I am physically lazy.
20.) I put my heart and soul into only those things that interest me. I work like crazy at such times. Or else I avoid doing anything at all. I can never do something I do not like, not even by force.
21.) I feel crazed and useless if at any time, I have no passion to work for. My life seems purposeless then, and the only way to overcome it is to find a thing I truly love and desire.
22.) People who do not know me well usually have some or the other wrong impression of me. And that impression is generally at the polar opposite of my true attribute.
23.) Very, very few people in this world know me as I truly am. Even though I talk to a lot of people, it takes a lot of time and proximity to know me.
24.) I do not like people knowing too much about me or my life. I love hiding myself within me. I rarely ever speak of the things that are closest to me simply because I hate to. I am highly uncomfortable with people getting too close to me and that is when I move away.
25.) I avoid falling in love with or even taking a liking to anyone unless the feeling is reciprocated and initiated. But I usually fail to and end up doing just that.
26.) I have been through a lot of painful times in relationships and ties. Unable to take it, I turned stoic. Now, I stay immune at all times, in all places, with everyone. Indifference is the best way to counter all those uncontrollable emotions. It is sort of inhuman but it is the best way.
27.) I sometimes have this terribly strong, unfathomable feeling when I wonder why it is me who is aware of my soul, my heart, my mind and my life. I marvel at, while at the same time feel afraid of the fact that I alone have control over the steps that I take. It hits me that I can feel no one else's body and live no other life but mine. Why am I none else, but me?
28.) I yearn to feel alive often, enthused and full of energy. With a purpose, the fulfillment of which will make a huge difference to me.
29.) My behavior is sometimes taken for arrogance and high-ended attitude. I do not care. If it has to happen, the ones who I will count as friends later will change their mind.
30.) I love doing things that are out of the ordinary. I think it is too boring to live a normal life. What will you reminisce about when you are older.
31.) I do not want to live till a ripe old age. I want to die at a time when I would have done everything I wanted to. And I want to die together with the people I care about, to save us all from the pain.
32.) The only time I have been truly tensed and worried in my life was before my IIM A interview.
33.) I sometimes get this irresistible urge to do something, and I have to do it immediately, or it makes me mad.
34.) I have a tendency to use very strong language, making some people feel insulted or like it is improper. But I have a love for strong words and powerful literature.
35.) I have a preference for dark colors, dark acts and stuff, dark arts, etc. Rather an obsession with the above.
36.) I am extremely possessive about my things and everything that is mine. I hate sharing, it makes me blind with jealousy.
37.) I love Mumbai. Its culture is ingrained in my bones. No matter where I go, I will always belong here. I want to live here for all of my life. I love huge crowded places, the fast pace of life, doing things at the last moment.
38.) I have an unexplainable obsession with Islam and all things and people Islamic.
39.) I shamelessly lie, often, and am adept at pretending, with a very straight face.
40.) I am a highly impulsive shopper with a tendency to buy everything possible. It is like a crazy obsession in me.
41.) I am extremely moody. I can be cheerful, excited and talkative one moment and depressed, quiet and withdrawn the next. It can take a single moment, incident, line to change my mood from one extreme to another.
42.) I have a tendency to bug people constantly and repetitively until they do whatever I am asking of them.
43.) I love wearing junk jewellery and dressing up like a punk.
44.) I can not spend a single day of my life without listening to music. There is always music playing in my room, no matter what I am doing.
1.) I don't need alcohol, cigar, dope to get high. Sometimes I get high without any seeming external stimulation. At such times, I am kind of hyperactive, unlike my usual self.
2.) At certain other times, I feel very low, depressed, frustrated like I am the most worthless creature on this planet with nothing to live for. I then try to busy myself with something I love.
3.) I feel low when something bad happens with me or with the few people in this world I really care about. Seeing them depressed gets to me and makes me feel depressed too. And I don't feel better until I have spoken to them, listened to them and tried to cheer them up.
4.) I believe I have a lot of inner strength, peace and serenity which lets me think carefully through any situation. I feel this strength comes from a will and a wish to do my best, or see myself through and be happy in and after every situation.
5.) Faced with any new situation, I always and I mean always, think of what I can gain or lose from it, whether I like it and would want to work for it, and how it will benefit me as a person and in the long run. After evaluating all of these, I decide whether to get involved in it or not.
6.) If I am even slightly confused about whether I want to do something or not, I generally go ahead with it. That way, I would not have any regrets about passing up an opportunity later. For me, the regret of not having done something weighs heavier than doing something and finding that I don't like it later.
7.) I do not listen to anyone except my parents and brother. Several experiences have taught me that following others' advice only brings me harm and causes regret later. So I just do what I want to irrespective of how crazy or weird it sounds or how stupid others tell me it is. And it has never had any adverse consequences till now.
8.) I always do things or take decisions based on what I want to do. That way, I would not have anyone to blame but myself if anything were to go wrong. Blaming others makes me want to kill myself for my stupidity.
9.) The only thing I have ever been terrified of is water, though I fear it less now. I used to fear the unknown and losing my own to death, disease. But i have learnt that there is no point in fearing something you can never know beforehand. And now, I do not think about it at all.
10.) I believe that a small joy or a little happiness can easily overcome and belittle a thousand sorrows. The power of happiness is greater than the power of sadness.
11.) I live my life my own way, no matter how blasphemous people may say it is. And I don't give a damn what others do. I am okay with people doing anything they want to around me.
12.) I like to be happy and content at all times. I have one life where I get to decide what happens to it and I want a very positive thing out of it every single moment.
13.) I hate waking up from sleep. Somehow I always feel extremely lonely and strangely emotional after waking up, and I hate feeling that way.
14.) I am alone in this world and I want to be very individualistic, always. I cannot and will never be dependent on anyone for anything. I do not wish to be crippled. I believe I can fulfill every inner requirement by myself. The external ones require the presence of people, who are usually around for this purpose, and in any case external needs are not all that important.
15.) I used to hate philosophy and talking about deep things but I am gradually growing to like it.
16.) I believe ANYthing is possible, even what is seemingly impossible. Just wish it and truly want it and it can happen.
17.) I believe that human beings are inherently good. If there is something undesirable in a person, then it is a temporary thing induced by the environment or just a phase that will pass.
18.) I do not believe in not talking to people if they have certain undesirable characteristics. At this rate you would end up not talking to everyone on this planet. It is better to maintain friendly relations with all, except the sexually shameless.
19.) I am always observing, absorbing, thinking, analyzing. I am as mentally active as I am physically lazy.
20.) I put my heart and soul into only those things that interest me. I work like crazy at such times. Or else I avoid doing anything at all. I can never do something I do not like, not even by force.
21.) I feel crazed and useless if at any time, I have no passion to work for. My life seems purposeless then, and the only way to overcome it is to find a thing I truly love and desire.
22.) People who do not know me well usually have some or the other wrong impression of me. And that impression is generally at the polar opposite of my true attribute.
23.) Very, very few people in this world know me as I truly am. Even though I talk to a lot of people, it takes a lot of time and proximity to know me.
24.) I do not like people knowing too much about me or my life. I love hiding myself within me. I rarely ever speak of the things that are closest to me simply because I hate to. I am highly uncomfortable with people getting too close to me and that is when I move away.
25.) I avoid falling in love with or even taking a liking to anyone unless the feeling is reciprocated and initiated. But I usually fail to and end up doing just that.
26.) I have been through a lot of painful times in relationships and ties. Unable to take it, I turned stoic. Now, I stay immune at all times, in all places, with everyone. Indifference is the best way to counter all those uncontrollable emotions. It is sort of inhuman but it is the best way.
27.) I sometimes have this terribly strong, unfathomable feeling when I wonder why it is me who is aware of my soul, my heart, my mind and my life. I marvel at, while at the same time feel afraid of the fact that I alone have control over the steps that I take. It hits me that I can feel no one else's body and live no other life but mine. Why am I none else, but me?
28.) I yearn to feel alive often, enthused and full of energy. With a purpose, the fulfillment of which will make a huge difference to me.
29.) My behavior is sometimes taken for arrogance and high-ended attitude. I do not care. If it has to happen, the ones who I will count as friends later will change their mind.
30.) I love doing things that are out of the ordinary. I think it is too boring to live a normal life. What will you reminisce about when you are older.
31.) I do not want to live till a ripe old age. I want to die at a time when I would have done everything I wanted to. And I want to die together with the people I care about, to save us all from the pain.
32.) The only time I have been truly tensed and worried in my life was before my IIM A interview.
33.) I sometimes get this irresistible urge to do something, and I have to do it immediately, or it makes me mad.
34.) I have a tendency to use very strong language, making some people feel insulted or like it is improper. But I have a love for strong words and powerful literature.
35.) I have a preference for dark colors, dark acts and stuff, dark arts, etc. Rather an obsession with the above.
36.) I am extremely possessive about my things and everything that is mine. I hate sharing, it makes me blind with jealousy.
37.) I love Mumbai. Its culture is ingrained in my bones. No matter where I go, I will always belong here. I want to live here for all of my life. I love huge crowded places, the fast pace of life, doing things at the last moment.
38.) I have an unexplainable obsession with Islam and all things and people Islamic.
39.) I shamelessly lie, often, and am adept at pretending, with a very straight face.
40.) I am a highly impulsive shopper with a tendency to buy everything possible. It is like a crazy obsession in me.
41.) I am extremely moody. I can be cheerful, excited and talkative one moment and depressed, quiet and withdrawn the next. It can take a single moment, incident, line to change my mood from one extreme to another.
42.) I have a tendency to bug people constantly and repetitively until they do whatever I am asking of them.
43.) I love wearing junk jewellery and dressing up like a punk.
44.) I can not spend a single day of my life without listening to music. There is always music playing in my room, no matter what I am doing.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Images of Pakistan
A perspective of life in Pakistan. Brilliantly captured through the lens. Striking to note the similarities between people, places and practices in India and Pakistan.
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/02/scenes_from_pakistan.html
Seeing these images, I've been sort of addicted to Gurus of Peace. Listening to it and looking at the photographs seemed to go so perfectly. A small bit of the song that I find most touching.
:)
chanda suraj lakhon taare
hai jab tere hi yeh saare
kis baat pe hoti hai phir taqraarein
kheenchi hai lakeerein is zameen pe
par na kheencho dekho
beech mein do dilon ke yeh deewarein
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/02/scenes_from_pakistan.html
Seeing these images, I've been sort of addicted to Gurus of Peace. Listening to it and looking at the photographs seemed to go so perfectly. A small bit of the song that I find most touching.
:)
chanda suraj lakhon taare
hai jab tere hi yeh saare
kis baat pe hoti hai phir taqraarein
kheenchi hai lakeerein is zameen pe
par na kheencho dekho
beech mein do dilon ke yeh deewarein
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A code of honor
A long time since my last post! Been feeling kind of nostalgic. It's been exactly a year since I first came to this campus for my interview. That sure was a defining moment in my life :)
About this post, this was somewhat inspired by a couple of Mario Puzo books I read a long while back. They got me thinking about crime and its perpetrators. So, what does define crime? Non adherence to rules of society, perhaps. How do these rules get their holy sanction? A possible reason could be that they have been accepted and followed through the years. And they ensure, to the greatest possible extent, liberty and justice for all. Diverting to a parallel track, would the existence of another and an auxiliary government be illegal?
For long, almost since its inception, the Italian mafia has been labeled as a criminal organization. Digging through to its origins, we find that it was born at a time when justice was denied to the poor and helpless. It came into existence, primarily, to provide that same justice that the poor deserved. The group was not one of senseless savages with ill intentions, rather it was a well organized system of intelligent people who were dissatisfied with the powerful rich and decided to institute their own set of rules.
Within the organization, there was tremendous law and order and a well established system of punishment. There was a way to ask permission or for justice. The head of the family was omnipotent and held sacred. Payment for favors was made in the form of money or a favor held, to be returned later. A promise once made was never reneged. Revenge taken, kills made followed the existing traditions. Never did anyone dare put a toe out of the line, not even the family, as it was punishable by death. That was their law, and they held it sacred, holier than their own lives and their loves.
There was an organized hierarchy, to preserve secrecy and protect themselves. The hierarchy did not shield a group of crazed and immoral criminals. Rather, they were, as they believed themselves to be, keepers of a parallel system of justice. The question here being: does mere disregard for and dissatisfaction with existing regulations, and adherence to a separate law and order system, one guided by your conscience, qualify as criminal behavior. Of course, at a later stage, the mafia did indulge in purposeless criminal activities.
Then, again I ask, is it wrong to blame one, repeatedly denied justice and freedom, if he takes to punishing those who have wronged him. He hurts not those who are innocent in his eyes. He believes only in eradication of criminals who have obviously erred and been forgiven by the system. Would killing a killer be a wrongful murder? Would stealing from the opulent, who take from the commoners, only to give back wealth and equality to their rightful owners, be very wrong? Would punishing those who lie to, steal from, kill and beguile the innocent be mindless and criminal? Is revenge or punishment wrong and purposeless??
About this post, this was somewhat inspired by a couple of Mario Puzo books I read a long while back. They got me thinking about crime and its perpetrators. So, what does define crime? Non adherence to rules of society, perhaps. How do these rules get their holy sanction? A possible reason could be that they have been accepted and followed through the years. And they ensure, to the greatest possible extent, liberty and justice for all. Diverting to a parallel track, would the existence of another and an auxiliary government be illegal?
For long, almost since its inception, the Italian mafia has been labeled as a criminal organization. Digging through to its origins, we find that it was born at a time when justice was denied to the poor and helpless. It came into existence, primarily, to provide that same justice that the poor deserved. The group was not one of senseless savages with ill intentions, rather it was a well organized system of intelligent people who were dissatisfied with the powerful rich and decided to institute their own set of rules.
Within the organization, there was tremendous law and order and a well established system of punishment. There was a way to ask permission or for justice. The head of the family was omnipotent and held sacred. Payment for favors was made in the form of money or a favor held, to be returned later. A promise once made was never reneged. Revenge taken, kills made followed the existing traditions. Never did anyone dare put a toe out of the line, not even the family, as it was punishable by death. That was their law, and they held it sacred, holier than their own lives and their loves.
There was an organized hierarchy, to preserve secrecy and protect themselves. The hierarchy did not shield a group of crazed and immoral criminals. Rather, they were, as they believed themselves to be, keepers of a parallel system of justice. The question here being: does mere disregard for and dissatisfaction with existing regulations, and adherence to a separate law and order system, one guided by your conscience, qualify as criminal behavior. Of course, at a later stage, the mafia did indulge in purposeless criminal activities.
Then, again I ask, is it wrong to blame one, repeatedly denied justice and freedom, if he takes to punishing those who have wronged him. He hurts not those who are innocent in his eyes. He believes only in eradication of criminals who have obviously erred and been forgiven by the system. Would killing a killer be a wrongful murder? Would stealing from the opulent, who take from the commoners, only to give back wealth and equality to their rightful owners, be very wrong? Would punishing those who lie to, steal from, kill and beguile the innocent be mindless and criminal? Is revenge or punishment wrong and purposeless??
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