A journey: A perspective

I'm scared. Shit scared. Of a lot of things. And a little bit of everything. I dont know whats going to happen to me and I dont know how I've managed to land myself in the mess that my life is in right now. I dont know if I should call this a mess. I've probably seen worse. But its pretty bad nevertheless. Stuck in a place away from home with no decent work to do except try to study and then feel bad about not studying. To top that all everyone talks about are cases and summer placements and the markets going down. To hell with that!!! I really dont give a damn. Makes me wonder what I am doing in a business school anyway. Did I say B school? In that case this school is really a prison. And my room is one of the cells. Complete with ancient brick walls. And I'm the lucky inmate of Dorm 1 Room 25. The way I've been signing off all my cover letters and CVs.

Let me think back to the first time I nurtured the sweet ambition of entering these hallowed halls. I really wanted to go to a second grade (comparatively) school because I'd heard that they dont bother you with muggai. But then decided that this is more on top and closer to home. Came here during the interview and found it a fraud. Wasn't too awestruck or amazed by the sight of the brick coloured dungeons. Did I say I felt a little let down. Wrong time!! It was just the beginning!

I dont think I will ever forget my first day at Wimwi. Came here to get registered and found that due to some technical problem the guy refused to get my admission done. I nearly fainted of a heart attack! After all this! Would I have to go back to Siemens??? I've always wondered. Why does this usually happen to me? Just when something great is about to happen, these irritating little things crop up and make my path just that little bit more convoluted. Maybe its meant to be that way. Just to make me really appreciate what I've got. Whatever.

So then I thought I would take some respite from the heat in the sanctity and cool of my room and my home for the next 2 years. Oh man!!!! Two heart attacks (or close calls at least) in 1 day aint good. It was the saddest, dustiest, dullest, depressingest place I'd ever seen in all my life. I couldn't even make myself stay there for the night. Away from my parents and my sweet lil bro? No ways!! Clung on to them like a lifeline for as long as they were there. And then I cried. After they left. In my room. All alone. My first time in a hostel. Clinging on to the bedsheet. I missed my Mom. And I know she cried for me too.

But then I thought "What the heck?" Might as well go and look around the campus and talk to people around. So it took a little getting used to. But it wasn't all that bad. Really? Really!!! Well, except the studies part of it. Cases, muggai, quizzes and the dreaded shouts of Muggo Fachhon Muggo. And of course food that tasted good for a week and then was discovered to be totally Giveup. And FRA!! Oh hell!!! If there's one way to torture people's minds and wring their brains dry, then this is it.

Sometime I feel so frustrated I feel like throwing things and banging stuff and creating noise and confusion. Could it be the state of my mind within. I suspect. Life seems pointless then and this entire routine endless. I mean, what comes out of it? What do I get? Satisfaction?? Nah

It passes. Everything blurs. Everything fades into insignificance. Even this? Maybe one day I would find out. Until then, its Defense Against the Dark Studies for me.

There was some respite in the form of a Talent Nite which we all believe was just a smart way to rag us poor unsuspecting souls. But to hell with that! It was loads of fun!! There have been few times when I have enjoyed myself so much. I realised something very valuable, something I will cherish forever. The people here are so down to earth, talented, intelligent, sensitive, creative, nice, smart, friendly and have absolutely no airs! I mean, if there are some places on this planet where people could be allowed to be proud and arrogant and stuck up, then this would be one of them. Definitely not my old school where people had no achievements of their own to boast of. Well, this is a group I would love to know and be with for the rest of my life.

Coming back to T Nite, boy was it eventful! Getting to know good people, nightouts, random talking, lots of energetic dancing, venturing into unexplored territory, realising I didn't like it anyway. But I'm glad I took the step, or I wouldn't ever have learnt what not to do in future. Isn't that the best teacher? Lots of new trails opening up..

It passed too. But we took away memories from it, those that I will always love to think back on. We left our footsteps too, forever ingrained in the stones of this place. But.. All good things come to an end. Which brings me back to my basic question. Why do people over here study so much??? Aren't they already sick and tired of it, damn it!! Frustrated souls, lost causes. Period.

So now I've been here nearly 4 months, in a white washed room with a horrible brown door and an ugly green almirah, all of which I've been trying my best to cover up with colured paper, just to bring a little cheer :) There's a pretty verandah overlooking a lot of trees which helps keep my room and mood cool and gives a vintage, rustic feel. I also have a pet lizard, one that likes to eat butterflies and moths and in the process distract my already distracted mind. Its mates visit once in a while. So do some acid green flying creatures that are extremely lazy when it comes to settling down on my bed!

I dont know whether I hate this place or I love it. Maybe a bit of both. For when it comes to the much hyped B school, there can never be a mid way. I do love the fact that in 2nd year you get to chill and play and do nothing at all. Hardly any studies! Way too cool!!! And I do love the various interactions with fachhas, tuchhas, dogs, cats, group members. I love being in clubs. And I just discovered, or maybe rediscovered (cant even remember), that I love playing. Talk about stuff that had nearly slipped out of the memory lanes. Gonna play basky, tennis, TT, frisbee, football like crazy before I leave this place. Andddd I love nightouts! Playing truth and truth. Spying on people ;) Digging out secrets. Bugging people. Talking rubbish. Wasting time. Doing crazy stuff, real crazy :D That sounds more like me!!

Till then I hope I pass decently for the authorities to consider promoting me to heavenly tuchhadom. Thats one of my most intimate fears. I think I'll barely scrap a pass, like I always do ;) So maybe life here isn't all that bad after all. Its a great place. LKP, new campus at night, placement area, basky court. And for the first time I have my own money (a huge grin) which I can spend as and when and where I like, even back home!! And not to mention a wonderful opportunity. Not just another brick in the wall!

So like the wise old people say, make the most out of every opportunity you have. After all how many are this fortunate. This is a beautiful place. The best in my life yet.
:)