Me, my life

This is a collection of certain aspects of my life, some philosophies I diligently follow and other things I have learned from experience.

1.) I don't need alcohol, cigar, dope to get high. Sometimes I get high without any seeming external stimulation. At such times, I am kind of hyperactive, unlike my usual self.

2.) At certain other times, I feel very low, depressed, frustrated like I am the most worthless creature on this planet with nothing to live for. I then try to busy myself with something I love.

3.) I feel low when something bad happens with me or with the few people in this world I really care about. Seeing them depressed gets to me and makes me feel depressed too. And I don't feel better until I have spoken to them, listened to them and tried to cheer them up.

4.) I believe I have a lot of inner strength, peace and serenity which lets me think carefully through any situation. I feel this strength comes from a will and a wish to do my best, or see myself through and be happy in and after every situation.

5.) Faced with any new situation, I always and I mean always, think of what I can gain or lose from it, whether I like it and would want to work for it, and how it will benefit me as a person and in the long run. After evaluating all of these, I decide whether to get involved in it or not.

6.) If I am even slightly confused about whether I want to do something or not, I generally go ahead with it. That way, I would not have any regrets about passing up an opportunity later. For me, the regret of not having done something weighs heavier than doing something and finding that I don't like it later.

7.) I do not listen to anyone except my parents and brother. Several experiences have taught me that following others' advice only brings me harm and causes regret later. So I just do what I want to irrespective of how crazy or weird it sounds or how stupid others tell me it is. And it has never had any adverse consequences till now.

8.) I always do things or take decisions based on what I want to do. That way, I would not have anyone to blame but myself if anything were to go wrong. Blaming others makes me want to kill myself for my stupidity.

9.) The only thing I have ever been terrified of is water, though I fear it less now. I used to fear the unknown and losing my own to death, disease. But i have learnt that there is no point in fearing something you can never know beforehand. And now, I do not think about it at all.

10.) I believe that a small joy or a little happiness can easily overcome and belittle a thousand sorrows. The power of happiness is greater than the power of sadness.

11.) I live my life my own way, no matter how blasphemous people may say it is. And I don't give a damn what others do. I am okay with people doing anything they want to around me.

12.) I like to be happy and content at all times. I have one life where I get to decide what happens to it and I want a very positive thing out of it every single moment.

13.) I hate waking up from sleep. Somehow I always feel extremely lonely and strangely emotional after waking up, and I hate feeling that way.

14.) I am alone in this world and I want to be very individualistic, always. I cannot and will never be dependent on anyone for anything. I do not wish to be crippled. I believe I can fulfill every inner requirement by myself. The external ones require the presence of people, who are usually around for this purpose, and in any case external needs are not all that important.

15.) I used to hate philosophy and talking about deep things but I am gradually growing to like it.

16.) I believe ANYthing is possible, even what is seemingly impossible. Just wish it and truly want it and it can happen.

17.) I believe that human beings are inherently good. If there is something undesirable in a person, then it is a temporary thing induced by the environment or just a phase that will pass.

18.) I do not believe in not talking to people if they have certain undesirable characteristics. At this rate you would end up not talking to everyone on this planet. It is better to maintain friendly relations with all, except the sexually shameless.

19.) I am always observing, absorbing, thinking, analyzing. I am as mentally active as I am physically lazy.

20.) I put my heart and soul into only those things that interest me. I work like crazy at such times. Or else I avoid doing anything at all. I can never do something I do not like, not even by force.

21.) I feel crazed and useless if at any time, I have no passion to work for. My life seems purposeless then, and the only way to overcome it is to find a thing I truly love and desire.

22.) People who do not know me well usually have some or the other wrong impression of me. And that impression is generally at the polar opposite of my true attribute.

23.) Very, very few people in this world know me as I truly am. Even though I talk to a lot of people, it takes a lot of time and proximity to know me.

24.) I do not like people knowing too much about me or my life. I love hiding myself within me. I rarely ever speak of the things that are closest to me simply because I hate to. I am highly uncomfortable with people getting too close to me and that is when I move away.

25.) I avoid falling in love with or even taking a liking to anyone unless the feeling is reciprocated and initiated. But I usually fail to and end up doing just that.

26.) I have been through a lot of painful times in relationships and ties. Unable to take it, I turned stoic. Now, I stay immune at all times, in all places, with everyone. Indifference is the best way to counter all those uncontrollable emotions. It is sort of inhuman but it is the best way.

27.) I sometimes have this terribly strong, unfathomable feeling when I wonder why it is me who is aware of my soul, my heart, my mind and my life. I marvel at, while at the same time feel afraid of the fact that I alone have control over the steps that I take. It hits me that I can feel no one else's body and live no other life but mine. Why am I none else, but me?

28.) I yearn to feel alive often, enthused and full of energy. With a purpose, the fulfillment of which will make a huge difference to me.

29.) My behavior is sometimes taken for arrogance and high-ended attitude. I do not care. If it has to happen, the ones who I will count as friends later will change their mind.

30.) I love doing things that are out of the ordinary. I think it is too boring to live a normal life. What will you reminisce about when you are older.

31.) I do not want to live till a ripe old age. I want to die at a time when I would have done everything I wanted to. And I want to die together with the people I care about, to save us all from the pain.

32.) The only time I have been truly tensed and worried in my life was before my IIM A interview.

33.) I sometimes get this irresistible urge to do something, and I have to do it immediately, or it makes me mad.

34.) I have a tendency to use very strong language, making some people feel insulted or like it is improper. But I have a love for strong words and powerful literature.

35.) I have a preference for dark colors, dark acts and stuff, dark arts, etc. Rather an obsession with the above.

36.) I am extremely possessive about my things and everything that is mine. I hate sharing, it makes me blind with jealousy.

37.) I love Mumbai. Its culture is ingrained in my bones. No matter where I go, I will always belong here. I want to live here for all of my life. I love huge crowded places, the fast pace of life, doing things at the last moment.

38.) I have an unexplainable obsession with Islam and all things and people Islamic.

39.) I shamelessly lie, often, and am adept at pretending, with a very straight face.

40.) I am a highly impulsive shopper with a tendency to buy everything possible. It is like a crazy obsession in me.

41.) I am extremely moody. I can be cheerful, excited and talkative one moment and depressed, quiet and withdrawn the next. It can take a single moment, incident, line to change my mood from one extreme to another.

42.) I have a tendency to bug people constantly and repetitively until they do whatever I am asking of them.

43.) I love wearing junk jewellery and dressing up like a punk.

44.) I can not spend a single day of my life without listening to music. There is always music playing in my room, no matter what I am doing.